I know, I'm not what you expected
Honestly, I'm not what I expected, either
Or what my mother expected
You could say I'm unexpected all arround
I install shower doors, glass ones On the side I paint pets
Not paint the pets, I do portraits of pets
You're thinking: wait a minute? Shower doors ...
... probably means he gets a lot of lonely housewives coming onto him
maybe an average looking but with a friendly manner and an optimistic outlook of life
You know, I can say yes, it happens sometimes
or at least once ... with a good looking lady, that is
Happened another time but I rather not think about that
Anyway, I was finishing the installation when she walked in
- Contrary to popular belief - Beg your pardon?
Kittens love taking showers?
- Contrary to popular belief - Yeah!
Do you mind if I try out the shower
- and make sure it doesn't have a leak? - Oh, the shower is not gonna leak.
My work is guaranteed
- Oh - Yes, oh
I hate awkward silences
- I know what you mean - You are a very difficult man to read, Eugene
- Am I? - Because oh could mean several things
It could be an encouraging oh
Or it could be an oh I play for the opposite team
- Is that what you think? - I hope not
Oh, what about your husband?
- I don't wanna talk about him
But he's not gonna walk in now while you're taking a shower
No, lately he comes home late, if he comes home at all
It's a heavy workload at work he says
She was a little redundant, I noticed that right away But I don't mind that in a woman
- You know? - I know, times are tough
Do you wanna keep talking about him or do you wanna watch me take a shower?
As you can probably imagine I had 200% of 0 interest in talking about her husband
I just wanted to make sure it wasn't some kind of kinky ....
where he was gonna come busting in with a baseball bat and I'd end up gagged in some cellar
- I rather watch you take a shower - Great
I've never showered in front of someone else
- I could turn around - You're a real gentleman, aren't you?
I was raised by a single mom so she made sure I respected women
It's not easy for you guys with us calling the shots or thinking we do anyway
all we do is mess things up
all you guys want is a little attention
somebody that holds your hand during dinner and listens
You know, says thank you and tells you your hair looks nice
I knew the holding hands bit was overkill at least I didn't offered to give her a massage
The damage was done, she was drop dead gorgeous
All that oxygen, pumping in and out of her lungs
I didn't asked for this, you know
The first weekend we got together he took me on a trip to Cabo
And I found out later he had conned his way into getting an upgrade using someone elses name
which at the time I thought was reckless and cute
maybe it was the heat or the ceviche that went thru my head but somehow I had 19 orgasms
- From eating ceviche? - With him in the room
And I just thought holy moly, you know, this is the one
- I guess - Because he knows how to make me feel
How to listen to my body
I think there are a lot of guys who could listen to your body
You're sweet
No, I mean your body really speaks load and clear
You think I'm vulgar?
No! Not at all I think you're articulate
- physically is what I'm saying - You think I'm fat
- My mother has gotten so fat - No, no
You're not at all fat. Lets talk about what you were talking about before
No, I dont want to talk about him
Me either ... words just getting away of emotions
- But somehow I feel like I can really talk to you. And so she talked
I knew I was in trouble when I noticed my right leg was asleep
and I started wondering how late I was gonna be for my next appointment
It was clear this woman was in no emotional state to throw herself at me
Plus the 19 orgasms given to her by her husband were looming over me like a monster
And that russian tramp had hypnotized him and he had blown all of the missing cash on her
- How many days were you in Cabo? - Two, why?
- No reason - Listen to me
Saying I dont want to talk about him and then going on and on about him you must think I am such a mess
- No, I dont - Yes you do
Because, what I want
No no, what I need
I need for you to ravage me Can you do that for me?
Even if I look like I'm not enjoying myself
Can you just have your way with me like some sort of savage
It's ok, it's ok It's ok
- I love him so much! - We shouldn't do this.
He is a great guy, you would get along, you would like eachother
- I'm sure we'd love eachother - I am the worst person in the world
I have no right to drag you into this, I'm so sorry
So anyway that happens once in a while
But for the most part
Shower doors installation does not equal seduction
Which makes the tale I'm about to tell you all the more peculiar.
- I didnt know you had company. - Who? - I don't know, I'm Sevilla.
Eugene, Portland at your service
Is that your dog?
No, thats a painting I was commissioned by a lady Can I help you?
- This is not room 43 - No, it's room 34
I have a condition
- What kind of condition? - A dyslexic condition
I'm sorry to bother you, I'm late for an appointment
No bother at all, come back any time
Before I can tell you about Sevilla story I gotta tell you about Felix
He's the real protagonist of this tale
Even if he's not gonna make it thru the night
The main thing you gotta know, he was a great detective
He didnt think he was a hot potato, he just was
But then he fell for the wrong kind of dame Who doesnt?
And he borrowed ... scratch that, stole some money in order to get away with her
To live happily ever after. He planned the whole thing perfectly
Outwitted his opponents, misdirected like a magician switched the bag, lost the tail and waited for her
Sorry, I thought you were someone else
~Hotel Noir~ first 40.min by mobutu, made straight on audio stream www.titrari.ro
I read this book once, that book is out of print
Time passed, too fast, before you saw her
Then it stopped short, short on a dime
Time passed too fast before you saw her, Then it stopped short, short on a dime
She's so pretty, she's so pretty, you've never seen so pretty in all of your time
and you can get the governor on the line
and will it with all of your might
You cant change the fact that she's a diamond, shiny diamond
and you sir are merely just a man
Men have tried since she first grew into the golden masterpiece that she is
whip, smart and bright, bright as lightning
But they werent ever on par with the miss
You can be stranded on a isle with her
and hope she gets bored with herself
You cant change the fact that she's a diamond, shiny diamond
and you sir are merely just a man
What are you looking at?
- Excuse me? - What are you looking at?
- Not you buddy - Whats that suppose to mean?
- I'm not looking at you, I'm looking at her - Well, thats what it looks like
- You know, I dont like you looking at her - Why would I care what you like?
Because she's my girlfriend and I dont like you looking at her
- She's a singer, everyone's looking at her - Not the way you're looking at her
Relax, I'm just watching her sing
You're thinking dirty thoughts about her
Actually I wasnt
- You can be stranded on a - Proove it
- Vance, stop it - Baby, I'm handling this
Just leave him alone
- You said this wasnt gonna happen again tonight - I warned you not to serve him
Leave the man alone. I'm sorry mister
- You probably like the way he's looking at you, you sick twist! - Oh, drop dead!
- Just let me talk to you
If you dont finish your set tonight you're gonna have to play an extra 15 minutes tomorrow
- You need to leave, now, please - I've missed you so much, let me talk to you
I have no interest whatsoever in talking to you or in hearing you talk ever
- Look, I'm crazy about you - You are crazy, period. Let go
- Where would you be without me? - You're about to find out that
Sorry about that
- Miss Click, you signed the contract specifying 2 full sets - What part of I'm in middle of something here you dont understand?
- Management doesnt take these things likely - Oh, I shudder, I quake and I quit!
Oh, common baby, come back
You're allright there friend? You should probably get home and sleep it off
Please mister dont tell anyone about this
I only sat my ass for 5 minutes but I meant no harm honestly
If the management finds out that i've fell asleep in a clients room again, thats it i'm out on the street
I've been working double shifts plus school so I havent been getting much sleep
Last time they said I was a thief because the woman in the room dropped her earring down the drain
and for that they implied that i was soliciting sexual favors which the management frowns upon
not the soliciting so much as not cutting them in the profit
so I yelled at them and told them Who the hell do they think I am?
Just because I fell asleep on a mans bad doesnt mean that I've slept with the man
- I dont think you're a thief - Really?
Really
Well thats very perceptive of you because I'm not I swear on the virgin of Guadalupe
You probably dont know who that is but she means the world to me
However I did manage to notice that you have a costume on your suitcase so I hung it
so it wouldnt wrinkle Thats ..... outfit, isnt it? She's my favorite
Not that I have time to waste But my little sister is obsessed
so she relays all the stories to me. Where did you get it?
A friend of mine works in one of the studios
It's an exact replica of one of the pictures
That is really neat
In any case I best get back to work so I dont lose my job
Would you like to keep it?
Oh, I need it. I have to pay for my sisters school and I'm the only one she has
No, I meant the costume
What do you mean?
I dont need it anymore, do you like it?
Really?
- Whats your angle? - What angle?
You're a costume salesman? Because I dont have any money
You're in luck. I'm not
Then whats your angle?
In my life so far nobody ever gave me something when they werent expecting something back
Not that they gave me very much mind you but I give a lot back
You can say that's my problem, I give too much for too litle
But that sounds dirty. I mean emotionally
If I tell you something you promise not to take it the wrong way?
- I talk too much - Bingo
- Only around smart people, its a complex - Well, rest asure, I'm not smart
- You're just saying that - Who you're gonna believe?
Maybe not smart but a shade less dumb than the others
- I'm Sevilla, like the spanish city - Felix, like Felix
- So, you're sure I can keep it? - Keep it, dont keep it, suit yourself
I'll come back after I finish my rounds and model it for you
That was quick
- Hi - Hi
Mind if I come in? I hate drinking alone.
Come in
I wanted to thank you for earlier
- I didnt do anything - You got the show stopped
- It was a good show - If you like wakes
- Where's your friend? - Oh, friedships got nothing to do with it
- If you dont mind my saying - I dont mind
Funny meeting somebody nice in a night like this
- I once stole a crutch from a cripple - Somebody modest then
- Realistic maybe - I'm sick of realism
- I hope I havent disappointed you - I dont disappoint that easily
- Years of practice - Changing your habits on my account
- Tell me -What
The primary reason you're here, at the show, in this room, tonight
- You first - Just passing thru
3 night engagement, didnt you read the sign?
You know the drill, I had dreams - What kind of dreams?
- The kind that have been tried and found wanting - Such as?
Trade on my natural charm and talent and become a big singer
graduate, pictures and you know as I get older I open up a restaurant, a bistro, a bar
On the beach
- Sure, I like the beach - Who doesnt?
- My ex-husband - He didnt like the beach?
- Didnt like any sand in the shoes - And still you married him
- I had to get out of there somehow - He had a car
- He had a truck. Are you a cop? - Why?
- You ask questions like a cop - How's that?
Like you're not interested in the answer but the way I answer
- I'm a cop - No kidding
You're on a stakeout?
- I was gonna hop a train - Changed your mind?
- Missed my train - When's the next one?
- 7am - My bus leaves at 6
- Where to? - Away
So you missed your train, checked into the closest hotel not realizing you might meet the woman of your dreams
Woman of my dreams stood me up
- drops bad girl - You dont know the half of it
- How did you meet the woman of your dreams? - Why do you wanna know?
- Fundamentally curious person - Undercover bust
- A cop falling for a robber - She was no robber, just an accessory
- A guy like you needs more than an accessory - Guy like me? Whats that suppose to mean?
First tell me about her
Beat it ladies. You can stay
- You're Swedish Mary, arent you? - Excuse me?
Make this easy on yourself
- I'm not the person you think - You're not Swedish Mary?
No
- I'm italian - Italian?
- Si, from Milano - Whats your name?
- Rosa - Rosa?
Lets write this down Rosa what?
- Rosa Manioni - You're italian?
- Yes, why? - Its your accent
- So what? No capisci - Sounds funny
- Funny? - Funny
- I think your accent sounds funny - I dont have an accent
Everybody has an accent
- What it is your name? - Thats not important, how long you know him?
- In one way it is like we always known eachother - And in another way? - 6 months
Want a cigarette?
- You're his mistress? - Just a friend
Kind of friend who likes to do errands for him, am I right Mary?
- What do you mean? - Drop things off?
Like his dry cleaning? I do not like your insinuation
- I dont like your accent - It is your problem
- I thought you said your name was Rosa - I know what I said
You didnt flinch when I was just called you Mary
I know what you are trying to do It wont work
- Did he ever give you gifts? - I do not remember
- Jewelery? Diamonds? - I want a lawyer
- You'll get one
No, I mean I want a lawyer now, here, to answer your questions
You're not charged with anything, we're just having a chat
- You think you're so tough with your big gun, dont you? - I do
Why are you smiling?
The only good thing about this moment
is I'm sure that as long as I live I'll never feel this lonely again
Am I free to go now?
Took me by surprise, her accent, the whole thing just clicked
I decided then that I like Swedish Mary
Patience is a virtue and I waited
Took me only one year
- Have we met before? - I think I'd remember
I guess he couldnt resist Who could blame him?
Sometimes I hate my job, you know?
I've gotta close this case
What are you talking about?
Sorry
I thought you liked her
- More than liked her - Love? You dont say
It wasnt love yet Something nearly identical
- But still, you busted her - No, I gave her an out
- I dont like snitches - Its an ugly word
Its an ugly job
Sounds like you're talking from experience
- Your husband, Vance, did? - Vance? Not my husband
- I thought you said you were married - I got married at 16 to a traveling salesman
- What kind of salesman? - Nice, boring one who talked a lot
- What did he sell? - Whats the difference? The point is
A young wife gets left alone at home all day in a big city she's bound to get restless
Thats how I met Vance
Before he was a victim of the racetrack he was a jazz guitarist
- A good one too - He offered you private lessons
- Told him I was married - What did he say?
He said many great guitar players are married
Vance's gambling took its toll pretty damn fast
Next thing I knew I was a what did you call it?
An accessory
- Is she allright? - What kind of question is that?
The kind that keeps you out of jail
She'll keep her mouth shut, lets just leave her out of it
Got a different idea
Yeah? Since when do you have ideas?
I think we should use her as the decoy
We dont have another piece of ass, we got her around
Who gave you permission to talk about her ass?
- What would I have to do? - Stay out of this
Dont talk to me like that
I'll talk to you however I wanna talk to you
In front of your friends you mean?
- Why did you put out with it? - I dont know
I guess I can think of a couple of reasons
But when his partners got pinched after the job I lost all respect for the creep
- Bad day - Bad day?
- It was the roll of the dice - Why not you?
Because I have my lucky charm: you!
I saw you at that pay phone Vance
- You got it all wrong baby - Do I?
If you wanna split thats fine
But dont go running your mouth about stuff you dont know nothing about
- That can make my life pretty messy - Your life is a mess, you cant pin that on me
- I'm warning you - You're threatening me
- You call it what you like - I dont like being threatened
You're a coward and a cheat
- I love you - You dont love anybody
I wanna make you a star I have the money now I can take you all the way
- Get out of my sight - Or what?
- Or I'll throw this vase at your head - I'll duck
Not quick enough
Anyway he ended up in a hospital with 30 stiches
- Where did you get such perfect aim? - Captain of my highschool softball team
Skipped town, travel country a couple times, pursuit of happiness and all that
even with a nice lady tennis player once
didnt take, kept singing, some crackpot idea Turns out I'm not the worlds greatest singer
Sounded good to me
Can I ask you a question?
- Is it about the nice lady tennis player? - It got my attention
She was the wife of a club owner
- Couldnt believe a modern girl such as myself never played - Played what?
Tennis detective She offered to teach me
- More private lessons - I can see how you'd make that leap
You dont get all your facts, you just hear bits of someones life story
you maybe take me for a person who gets lots of offers for private lessons
- I never met anyone with proclivity before - I've never met a detective who said proclivity before
So what happened to you? Had a few private lessons then what?
- Decided you didnt like the game? - Call me old fashioned
but it wasnt just that
Lady tennis player was coming to get you
Lady tennis player was allright
- The problem was - Let me guess
- Her husband - What make you say that?
My job description Intuition
- 10 bucks he liked watching the lessons - No, that wasnt the problem
He was a club owner who once in a month performed in his own club
- He had a famous act called - The concubines of the cunning
I woke up alone in a room no ideea how long I've been there
but shortly after the 3 concubines came in and began to undress me
I tried to fight back but they were expert ticklers
Ticklers?
I know how it sounds but they were vicious and I was powerless
Ticklers?
They undressed me and then he walked in still in costume
They held me down and caressed me I have never been caressed like that before
- And then - And then?
I fell into a deep sleep
The next morning I woke up in my hotel room, still naked
no sign of my clothes anywhere
I found out later I had slept for 2 whole days or at least I couldnt count for 2 whole days
Like time just vanished into the ether
Who is it? Maureen came to see me
- Who's Maureen? - The lady tennis player
Maureen Chapman? Associated Press female tennis player of the year?
- 3 years straight - Her husband was murdered
I read about that, it was a big deal, Philadelphia right?
I didnt realized you follow tennis I never told you this part
You know what actually happened?
- All I know is she came to tell me - Hector is dead
- Who's Hector? The cunning, my husband
- He might have been killed - When, how? - I dont know
That's a tragedy
You should probably leave town
Allright, if you think thats for the best
You can wear this
Maureen? I'm sorry
She paid my bill and gave me a train ticket
I never did find out what happened to her husband
They had to drag the lake to find him Boating accident the report said
- What do you think? - About what?
It wasnt an accident?
Time slows down before an accident you know
My last 10 years were pretty slow
Coming back here was the accident
- Whats in the briefcase? - Money
I dont believe you
- A lot of money? - Enough to make your dreams come true
- Why would you tell me just like that? - I'm not worried about you
I dont know if I should be offended or not Whos money is it?
- Who says is not mine? - Intuition
- It's a long story - It's a long night
I'll tell you what What do you say
- We get a refill downstairs? - I'm not too popular down there, remember?
Lets see if we can do something about that
- What about the money? - Dont worry
- We're closed - Official business
- What did she do? - Thats the official part
- A real smart guy. I dont care who you are I dont have to keep the place open for you
Fix us a couple of sandwiches will you?
- What do I look like to you? - Like a barman who knows how to fix a sandwich
I know its been a quiet night let me make it worthwhile
Fix yourself and a beer
- Hope you like real cheese - My favorite
My partner Jim an I were put on Mary detail funny choice of words in retrospect
- What took you so long? - I had to stop for gas
She watched some TV and now she's taking a bath I had a thought
Hypothetically
You meet a young lady she's adventurous
- You mean like Betty? - Keep Betty out of it
Different sort of adventurous
- What? - Nothing, she's singing
- Is that in spanish? - What I'm driving at is this
- Men needs variety - I agree with that
This is a deeply flawed argument
The way I see it: If you could get action every day, that's the win
A guy comes along and says you like beer but you gotta have beer every day of your life?
Well, why not? I love footbal, that means I gotta watch it every day? Sure!
Aren't I gonna get tired of watching footbal and drinking beer day after day all my life?
Maybe, but I'm willing do to the work to find out that truth and if it turns out that that's the case
- I trust myself to find other interests - Jim, you know this feeling that you're feeling right now?
Contemptment in the sacred bond of marriage?
No, this restless fever of romantic delusion, you know is not gonna last, do you?
You know what you are? - Yea, I'm a cynical bastard
It must be hard work being you but mark my words
- You'll meet a charming young woman - The hardest thing to find in America
You'll jump on that train, gladly, you'll go after her ...
Good old Jim, always trying to drag me down to his level of misery
What he couldnt posibly foresee is that this charming young woman he was conjuring for me
was presently right next door
Hello Hi Otto
Taking a bath Of course I'm alone
Well, I might catch a cold if I dont put something on but I'll be ready for you, dont you worry
You just come on over I'll see you when you get here, by.
Wow, you look weird